Korea: A Less Selfish Way to Live

Korea: A Less Selfish Way to Live
Adapting to the culture was a challenge, but also beneficial
Claire George (aeogae)
Published 2007-02-02 00:05 (KST)

In England my imagination went as far east as Russia and stopped just short of Lake Baikal. China was just a story in a book, and as for Korea, I couldn't even locate it on the map.

I never expected to find myself living in Seoul, 75 miles south of Pyongyang. For me, foreign adventure was Italy, France or Spain, not the other side of the world.

When I arrived in South Korea in August 2005 I was possibly one of the least enthusiastic tourists the country had ever seen. But I had a compelling reason to come: my partner is Korean. I would rather have gone to Paris or Madrid, but to cancel the trip and not see my boyfriend was unthinkable.

It was meant to be a visit of a year, and no more. Then the inevitable happened, I liked being in the same country as my boyfriend and wanted to stay longer.

Going to live in a foreign culture for personal, or practical, reasons is perhaps more difficult than making the leap because you're motivated by curiosity and wanderlust.

I read blogs written by young Americans who came to Seoul fascinated by Korea's history and language. I couldn't feel the same. Instead I felt intensely homesick and was unable to stop thinking about the muddy rain-swept streets of rural England.

In England they told me that I would never adapt to Korean life, it would be too alien for me. I thought so too, but now I realize that what was once strange and unacceptable has become comfortable and familiar.

The well-being of the group has much greater importance in Korea than it does in England, where individualism and personal privacy are highly valued.

"Intrusive" was the word I first used when I saw how the Korean workplace comes into significant areas of what we English people think of as private life.

Koreans are expected to invite all their colleagues to their weddings, their funerals and their children's first birthday parties.

At Korean weddings it is not unusual for the boss of the bride or groom to give a little speech immediately before the couple make their vows. This is a very odd thing from an English point of view.

During the day colleagues eat lunch together (no skulking off to read a novel) and everyone eats and drinks exactly the same thing.

After work, in order to maintain group solidarity, colleagues go out to eat (identical food) and drink (identical alcohol) together once or twice a week.

"In Korea, co-workers are like friends and neighbors," says a colleague of my boyfriend.

I once thought of these practices as bizarre and suffocating. In England we also socialize with our work colleagues; indeed many people find marriage and friendship in their factories and offices. But England is not a Confucian society like Korea, there is no social obligation to treat workmates as something close to family.

When I began working for OhmyNews in 2006 it was this aspect of Korean office life that worried me the most. Fortunately, a sympathetic boss allowed me to work from home like my colleagues in the U.S.A., so I was able to do my job unhindered by cultural anxieties.

That would have been it for me, I wouldn't have learnt anything good about Korean work culture if the very thing I was afraid of hadn't come to rescue me.

I often take my computer to my boyfriend's office and work there. It is only possible to do that because Koreans have a more sociable attitude towards their colleagues. In England if somebody proposed bringing their Korean girlfriend to work they would receive some very funny looks and harsh comments.

I've been watching the people in the office interact with each other, and I have slowly come to recognize the good things about Korean office life.

Nobody is given a chance to feel lonely at work. I'm sure it is possible to feel alone, but never lonely. Every wedding and child's first birthday party has enough guests to make it a noisy, happy occasion.

In England where colleagues sometimes don't know each other very well, bereavements can be kept hidden, causing all kinds of emotional difficulties. In Korea it is a little harder to do that when your officemates have been to the funeral.

I do not think it is necessary to go out drinking twice a week to feel a sense of loyalty towards your colleagues, or to develop team spirit. However, when I watch the members of my boyfriend's company I see that it does really work for them.

I came to Korea with a closed mind, convinced that individualism was superior to communalism. This country has taught me in many more ways than I have expressed here, that valuing the well-being of the group has some very definite advantages and is often the less selfish way to live.

I am nearly 30 years old, and I doubt that I will ever give up my English love of personal space, privacy and making my own meal choices, but I think I can come to a compromise.

©2007 OhmyNews
Other articles by reporter Claire George